


Berühren Sie Nicht Was Sie Nicht Verarbeiten Kann

by FormulaFerrari



Series: The Randomness Of A Female Mind [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 19:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2479442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormulaFerrari/pseuds/FormulaFerrari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I made a typo one too many times…</p><p>*Set Singapore 2012*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Berühren Sie Nicht Was Sie Nicht Verarbeiten Kann

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I think I need to explain this.  
> For a while I've been accidentally making a typo when typing out Sebastian's name… And then it got me thinking. That is apparently very dangerous :L So in this piece Sebastian is a girl: Sebastina, which I read/pronounce Sebas-tina. A very small typo, yes, but it's fuelled this whole work. I hope you enjoy it if you do read it… :L  
> I suggest trying to imagine Sebastian as a girl if you do… Weirdly she's quite attractive in my head… :S
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> *14*  
> \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She buzzed into the paddock, trying to keep her head low. This wasn’t one of those ‘I want to be seen’ days, she just wanted to get in her car, drive and not talk about it. It was a stupid mistake. She knew it was a stupid mistake. She knew it before she even put on that fucking dress last night. But it had happened now. She just had to move on. Pushing her long blonde ponytail through the back of her cap she pushed it low over her eyes. This would be fine. No one would need to see her, right? She was just here to drive the car. She was just-

“-Sebastina! Can we get a quote from you on your championship hopes at this point in the season?” Closing her eyes and giving herself a moment to take a breath and roll her eyes, she turned back to the journalist.

“Yeah, we’re looking strong. We’re in a good position and we are ready to give the maximum for the end of the year.”

“With your car retiring last race, is it safe to say reliability is a worry for you?”

“Not at all. The car has been good all season. We know Monza is hard on the engine so it is not surprising that both Red Bulls retired there, even if Mark’s was due to a spin.”

“With Fernando Alonso leading the champion as we stand, with a lead of thirty-seven points, do you think you can catch him this year?”

“Sure, why not? He only needs a couple of races where he doesn’t score and I win and then I am back to leading. Simple as that.”

“So the points gap that is over a race win doesn’t bother you?”

“Not in the slightest. We come into a race weekend and push to the maximum.”

“Thanks, Sebastina.”

Moving swiftly now she ducked into the Red Bull motor home. She knew no one would find her in here; it was safe. She just had to get to her cool down room and not willow in self-pity. Maybe she should ask Heikki for a massage…

No. Wasn’t that how she got into this mess in the first place?

“Seb.” Of all the people she wanted bustling past her, her fucking teammate was low on that list.

“Mark.” She spat, glaring at him. She made sure to catch his shoulder as she passed. He scoffed at her in response.

“Why don’t you grow up?”

“Bite me.” Sebastina snarled.

“I’m sure Kimi did enough of that last night.” Mark smirked, his eyes firmly locked on her. Sebastina blushed a deep red, shrinking into herself. “Uh oh. Not end in champagne and roses like you thought it would?”

“Fuck off, Mark.”

“Evidently not…” Sebastina slammed her cool down room door in Mark’s face, not wanting his sharp comments. She threw her cap across the room, dropping her bag to the floor as she fished her phone out of her pocket. She had an hour before Free Practice One; she had time for a massage. “Hey, you’re allowed to talk to me-”

“-I slammed that door for a fucking reason.” Sebastina snapped as Mark let himself into her small room.

“To let the whole of Red Bull know your date with Kimi went sour?” Mark folded his arms.

“I don’t have to stand here and listen to this.”

“Hey, I want to help.”

“Go be Fernando’s shoulder to cry on. I don’t need you.”

“Fernando doesn’t need to cry and yes, Seb, you do need me.”

“I made it fucking clear I didn’t.” Sebastina stated, forcing the tears out of her eyes. Mark and her one night stand seemed so far in the past it was almost a fairy tale. Sometimes she couldn’t believe it was only two years ago. She would never ask, but she put that down as the reason for their crash in Turkey. She broke Mark’s heart so Mark broke her car. That’s why she believed he didn’t give her the room to pass. He couldn’t bear to loose something else to her.

Mark had wanted a relationship, but with the Championship in the balance Sebastina couldn’t take her eyes off the prize. A World Champion. How great would that be? She could hold it up in the face of her oppressors. _Look,_ she would sneer. _A girl can win a World Championship._ Now she had done it twice and was on the way, hopefully, to do it again. No one could argue with her. She was the best. But Mark didn’t understand. He was a guy, getting in a car and driving it at ridiculous speeds in circles was fine, accepted. Sebastina had to prove herself. Prove she hadn’t simply fucked Horner to get her seat (which she most definitely had not, thank you very much). She couldn’t give Mark one hundred per cent so she took it all away as to not keep him hanging. It wasn’t fair to hurt him like that. Unknowingly she had hurt him even more than she had ever planned.

“Tough shit. You’re stuck with me. Now spill.”

“I will not become Fernando and your gossip, Mark.” She snaked, folding her arms tightly. “Now get out, I have Heikki on the way to give me a massage.”

“A massage or a ‘massage’?” Mark shot spitefully. Sebastina frowned at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing… Just I know how you _hate_ mixing business and pleasure.” He shot sarcastically.

“I don’t know what you are getting at, Mark-”

“-Yes you do.” Mark hissed. “Don’t act fucking coy.”

“One moment you want me to talk and the next you don’t want to fucking know! I can’t follow you, Mark!”

“Whatever. I hope your massage is good, Seb.”

“Mark-!” But the door was slammed shut before she gets a chance to ask for an explanation.

\- - - -

Third wasn’t too bad. She was in front of Fernando, so that was the main thing. And this was one of her most favourite circuits, that she couldn’t deny. There was something that tasted a little bitter about the second row though, something she couldn’t quite place. Pushing the thought from mine she headed back to the Motor Home to freshen up before she had to go talk to the press. She always hated sitting in that stuffy interview room that the top three drivers were dragged into. All she really wanted to do once she had finished racing was jump in the shower, but that seemed to be a crime so she settled for the five minutes Britta had got her spare.

Or, she would have done.

“Where are you walking that fine arse off to then?” The joking call spun across the paddock. Sebastina’s feet stalled as she waited for the McLaren driver to catch up.

“Jenson.” She nodded, falling into step beside him.

“Seriously, I hate starting next to you… Massive distraction.” Jenson shook his head. Sebastina just smirked.

“All part of my master plan.”

“Last I heard they didn’t go so well.”

“I’m working on it.”

“Sebi,” Jenson caught her arm, all joking, flirtatious banter vacant from his face. He was serious. Sebastina swallowed nervously. “Is Mark telling the truth? Did you really go on Kimi’s date?”

“Mark should learn to mind his own fucking business.” Sebastina snarled, shaking out of Jenson’s hold. Jenson dashed after her.

“Sebi, we talked about this. You told me you wouldn’t go.”

“I was hoping you were wrong. That he was different.”

“He’s a racing driver.”

“Aren’t we all?”

“Yes, Sebi, but you know what I mean. He’s the most raw, most old school driver there is. And not in a racing sense-”

“-In a ‘fuck them and leave them’ sense, yeah, Jense, I’ve got first hand fucking evidence of that.”

“Sebi…” Jenson sighed, pulling Sebastina into a bone-crushing hug. Sebastina held on tightly, breathing Jenson masculine scent of the racetrack and sweat. Everything that meant he had been pushing to the absolute limit. If only Jessica wasn’t in the picture…”This will be Ok.”

“I’m just another stupid fucking notch on his bedpost…” Sebastina sighed, feeling safe to be vulnerable in Jenson’s care.

“You’re not stupid, Sebi…”

“I am. You told me not to go and look what I did.”

“Sebastina, don’t do this to yourself… Please… You need to kick arse out there tomorrow.”

“I don’t need him to do that.”

“You don’t need him full stop.” Jenson amended. “Promise me you won’t go out with him again.”

“Promise, Jense.”

“Good girl.” Jenson sighed deeply, breathing Sebastina in. “Now go shower because you stink.”

“Likewise. You won’t be pulling anyone smelling like that.”

“What? You don’t love my natural stench?”

“I don’t think anyone with a nose does.”

“Ouch.” Jenson said, pinching Sebastina’s side and making her giggle. “I’ll get you back for that.”

“I would say you could try on the racetrack, but I’m a little bit on fire at the moment.” Sebastina smiled smugly.

“Good. I’ll wave at you when I pass by the flaming wreck of your car.” Sebastina hit his arm for flipping the meaning of her statement.

“What? You wouldn’t stop to pick me up?”

“How about you stop tomorrow and we’ll find out…”

\- - - -

_A first. In Singapore. Brilliant._

She couldn’t stop herself from going mental down the radio; thanking the team again for the wonderful piece of machinery they had provided her with. It wasn’t the championship lead, but with Fernando coming third that was a nice chunk out of it. From thirty-seven points to twenty-nine. That was definitely something to be celebrated.

It got better when Rocky relayed back the result to her and she found out Kimi wasn’t even close to the podium.

Pulling the car into the number one bay in parc fermé had never felt better. As fast as she could she unclipped her seatbelt and disconnected the steering wheel. The cockpit frame came off next and she discarded them onto her seat as she climbed onto the front of the car, presenting her ‘number one’ pose to the flashing cameras. She could almost feel Fernando roll his eyes beside her as she did it again, this time placing a hand on her hip and wiggling her finger in a sexy manner.

Rushing forwards she made a bee-line for Rocky, pulling him into a tight hug as more hands patted her back. It was a wonderful elated feeling, one she was more than welcoming of after the failure that was Monza. She returned to her car, patting the red bull on the back gratefully for effect and smirking as Fernando stormed into the cool down room. Once the car was back together she moved over to Christian, pulling him happily into a hug.

“Fantastic race, Sebi.” Christian beamed. Placing a hand on the small of her back Christian guided her into the building to be weighed before they moved up to the cool down room. Fernando was guzzling at a bottle of water, per usual, and Sebastina had only just got her helmet off when someone was tickling at her sides.

“You little shit! I almost had you!” Jenson laughed, dragging Sebastina into a hug. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as Christian saved her helmet from being damaged.

“What? You were no where near!”

“I was, mate, three more laps-”

“-Exactly! You needed _more_ laps! I won in the amount of laps we were given.” Sebastina grinned.

“What is with the lights?” Fernando asked, holding the nearly empty bottle in his hand as he frowned as Sebastina’s flashing helmet. Sebastina took it from Christian and placed it next to Fernando’s, taking a bottle for herself and Jenson.

“It’s supposed to be the stars… Because it’s a night race?”

“Stars do not flash.” Fernando pointed out, sipping from his water. Sebastina handed Jenson a bottle.

“No, I guess they… Fizzle out after time…” Sebastina shrugged, trying to hide her smirk as she drank. Jenson nearly spat his across the room.

“Do you need some ointment for that burn, Fernando?” Jenson laughed. Fernando gave Sebastina’s helmet one last disgusted look before snatching up his cap and striding from the room. “Aww, he’s just pissed because you got closer to him in the title hunt.”

“Mark will calm him down later. They can have a good bitch about me.” Sebastina brushed away nonchalantly, accepting her cap from Jenson. Jenson wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

“Well we’ll be celebrated so let them bitch and be miserable.” Jenson grinned, muttering low enough so Christian could not hear. Sebastina winked at him before following him out to the podium.

She was hit by a crazy volume of cheers, waving happily she climbed up onto the top step jumping and holding her index finger aloft again, catching Fernando clapping resentfully to her left. Jenson caught her arm, grinning brightly as he shook her hand. _How very polite of him._ Sebastina thought with a grin. She pulled her cap off, letting her hair flow over her shoulders and the first chords of the German national anthem started up. Her whole body rang with pride as she mouthed along; feeling like everything was starting to go her way.

She could be World Champion again.

\- - - -

“JJJEEEEENNNNSSSOOOONNNNN!”

“Sebi, shut up.” Jenson laughed, stumbling a little.

“LLLOOOOVVEEEE YYYOOOUUU!”

“Yeah, love you too. Now shut up, you’ll wake someone up.”

“Ferno not hackpee wid meneeh…” Sebastina sighed, sagging in Jenson’s arms as he tried to manoeuvre her down the corridor. Why had he let her have shots? He knew she couldn’t take it.

“No, he’s not-Seb, at least try and help me.”

“Why cnfoea be hackpknee fro ame?”

“Because you keep beating him. Now stand there… No, just stay there- Sebi!”

“FERNANJO! FERNANDODODOOO!” Sebastina sang, stumbling down the corridor. “FERNANDOOOOOO! LOVE MEEEE!”

“Sebi!” Jenson physically dragged her back to his room, forcing her in the door.

“Is not… ont my room Jensy-poo… Not minds…”

“No, Seb, it’s my room. Please go in it-”

“-FERNADNO! FERBABDNOOOO!” Sebastina pleaded, fighting passed Jenson’s arms.

“Sebastina-”

“-Why not mu rom?” Sebastina slurred, gripping tightly to Jenson’s shoulders as she looked down the corridor. “Fernaonfo?”

“Because if Horner finds you like this covered in your own vomit he’s going to kill me now get inside!” Jenson tried again. But it was to no hope.

“FERNAHIO!” Sebastina squealed, leaping from Jenson’s arms in the direction of the Spaniard. She flailed out on the floor at his feet. Fernando sent Jenson a dark look.

“Sorry.” Jenson tried, pulling Sebastina back up.

“What is going on?” Fernando asked darkly. Jenson found it very difficult to take him seriously with his hair completely ruffled and sticking up in every direction possible.

“Febando dodent ont like meeeeh…” Sebastina fell back into Jenson’s arms, catching the Brit off guard.

“What’s happening?”

“She is pissed.” Fernando called back to the person in his room with an amused smile, folding his arms and leaning against the doorframe.

“What?”

“Is pissed. Drunk.”

“I know what pissed means, mate.” Jenson tried not to act too shocked when Mark appeared behind Fernando, wearing pyjamas with his hair also a mess. “Horner is going to be furious.” Mark smirked as Sebastina tried to cooperate with her feet that wanted to walk to opposite ends of the corridor.

“Right, or you could help me?” Jenson pleaded. Mark flicked his eyes up to him.

“You got her in this mess?”

“She wanted shots…”

“Oh, Jense, rookie mistake.” Mark smirked at his friend’s dilemma.

“Help me?” Jenson tried as Sebastina dove from his arms again.

“Gonna blow ‘Nando, then will like me…” She stated, reaching for Fernando. She got a hand pulling on the bottom of his pyjama bottoms before Fernando stepped away, hiding behind Mark. Sebastina glowered up at her teammate. “Mark! No helping!”

“I really am, mate.” Mark chuckled as Sebastina sat back on her heels.

“Blow him were them friend!” She explained, trying to push Mark out of the way to get to Fernando.

“Not a clever idea, Seb.” She sighed dramatically, laying like a starfish on her back out in the middle of the corridor.

“Want ot friends with Nanbodo…”

“Get off the floor, think that is the best start.” Fernando smirked, trying to hold his laughter back as Sebastina tried and failed to get off the floor.

“Help! Stuck! Ferabngo, help!”

“Why me?”

“She wants to be friends, mate.”

“If she throws up on me…” Fernando started darkly, moving round Mark towards the rolling around Sebastina.

“Help! Fernanpo! Good thank. Bitte bitte!”

“Sure.” Fernando wrinkled his nose as he pulled Sebastina back to her feet. He held her out to Jenson like she was something unwanted. “Here.”

“No, look, can blow now. Definetly friendthen.”

“No, mate, no blowing necessary. Right, Fernando?” Mark said, highly amused with the situation.

“Right.” Fernando nodded as Sebastina fell into Jenson’s arms, still trying to get to Fernando.

“Work with Imimimimimi!”

“No, Sebi, nothing worked with Kimi.” Jenson chastened, trying, again, to move her into his room.

“No… Nothing work…. Not even he dick…” She sighed sadly.

“On that note.” Mark clapped his hands together, taking Fernando’s shoulder and guiding him back into their room. “Night Jense.”

“Have fun.” Fernando winked before disappearing.

“Night, Seb.”

“Nighty nighty Marky Nanbdo sllep friend…” Sebastina yawned.

“Mark, help me!” Jenson stumbled as Sebastina fell heavy in his arms.

“Not my problem, mate. I have enough of her on race weekends.”

“Mark!” Jenson tried again but Mark shut the door behind him. “Seb, wake up.”

“Not sleppping…” She grumbled sleepily.

“Come on now, game over.”

“Wa wa waowww!” Sebastina impersonated a game failing noise badly. Jenson rolled his eyes, literally dragging her into his room.

“Where’s your other shoe?”

“Wa wa waowww…”

“Fucking hell, Seb, you’re a wreak.”

“Am your wreck.” She smiled proudly as Jenson sat her at the foot of his bed.

“Drink that.”

“What is that?”

“Water.”

“No thank you. More shots?”

“No, Sebi, no more shots. Only water now.”

“Wa wa waowww.”

“Sebi, come on. Help me out.”

“Love you…”

“Yeah, love you too, Seb.”

“Noo… Really love you….” She sighed soppily. Jenson frowned at her. “Like, want to fuck you love you.”

“You want to fuck everyone. You just offered Fernando a blow job so you could be friends.”

“Would have worked…”

“Yeah, and you would know.” Jenson bit with a sharpness to his voice. Sebastina didn’t seem to notice.

“Now you hate me…”

“I don’t hate you, Sebi.”

“But have Jessica. Do not want me.”

“Seb-”

“-If fine… Is pretty and has legs to here…” Sebastina indicates to her chin. “Am short and not pretty at all.”

“That’s not true Seb, you know that.”

“Am German. How can I be pretty?”

“That doesn’t make a blind bit of difference.” Jenson’s hand was cupping her cheek in the instant. She sighed contently.

“You are pretty.”

“Seb-”

“-Are sexy and British. What not to love?”

“You’re fucking hot too, Sebi. You won’t ever get it, but when you’re just strolling around the paddock with your suit around your waist I find it very hard to look away.” Tears were running down her face before she could stop it. “Don’t do that…”

“Sorry…” She sighed thickly.

“Now you’ve got black shit on your face… Proper wreck, silly…”

“Mascara…”

“Right…” Jenson laughed lightly.

“Feel sick…”

“Drink your water then.”

“Stay with me?”

“Always.” Jenson nodded, getting up to retrieve the bin so Sebastina had something to throw up in.

“Love me?” She asked quietly, looking up at him with so much longing. He stooped beside her, cupping her face gently and trying to rub away the black streaks of make-up drying onto her cheeks.

“I have for too long…” Jenson admitted, feeling safe this couldn’t come back to bite him in the arse with Sebastina in such an unresponsive state. But her lips found his and the last whisper of his will power slipped. His arms wrapped tightly around her body, kissing her as if the world was about to end.

\- - - -

“Fuck…”

“You could say that again.”

“Ahh, God! I feel like I’ve been hit in the head with a brick…”

“Maybe you have…”

“Fick dich…” She muttered, rubbing her forehead. Jenson just chuckled.

“Should I open the curtains then?”

“Dear god, no.” She grumbled, hiding under the duvet. Jenson turned to look at her, biting his lip.

“Sebi?”

“Hmm?”

“How much of last night do you remember?”

“… You got me shots… Then everything is blurry.”

“Do you remember talking to Fernando last night?”

“Fuck…”

“Or Mark?”

“I spoke to Mark?” Sebastina groaned, sinking lower in the bed.

“You offered to blow Fernando…”

“Please, Jenson. Please tell me I didn’t blow him.”

“You gave it a good go.”

“Dear fucking God…”

“Nearly got his trousers down.”

“Jenson, stop it.”

“Mark intervened before it could get any further.”

“… Mark?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh shit, what did I do to Mark?”

“Nothing-”

“-Did I offer to give him a lap dance or something?”

“No, Sebi. You didn’t do anything to Mark.”

“But trying to blow Fernando wasn’t the worst of it, was it…” Sebastina turned slowly to look at Jenson. He was lying beside her, worrying his lip between his teeth. She reached over and pulled it free. “Just tell me.”

“We…” Jenson couldn’t finish the sentence. But he didn’t need to.

It suddenly dawned on her that she was naked.

“Oh fuck…” She said slowly, disappearing back under the duvet. She couldn’t believe this. How had she let this happen?

“Yeah… Sorry…”

“Why are you sorry?” She asked, risking a look back up at the Brit. He shrugged.

“I should have stopped you.”

“No, Jense, this isn’t your fault…”

“… You’re very loud…”

“Fucking hell, Jenson!” Sebastina fell into a fit of laughter. Jenson couldn’t help but join in.

“Yeah, I heard that a few times.”

“You’re terrible!”

“No, you never said that.” Jenson smirked. The laughter died down as they caught each other’s eye. Jenson looked away blushing. “I have to admit, I’ve never had someone throw up on me before.” Sebastina sat up so quickly she knocked the duvet off her.

“No fucking way, Jense, please. Please tell me I did not throw up on you…”

“No, not on me exactly. We… You know-”

“-Fucked.” Sebastina nodded, encouraging Jenson to carry on.

“Yeah…. And then you threw up.”

“Charming…”

“I thought you had fallen asleep but then you sat up and… Yeah…”

“Well, if there was anyone I had to drunkenly stumble into bed with I’m glad it was you.”

“That’s nice to hear.” Jenson smirked stupidly. And then it happened. They shared a look and they both knew. Neither of them were sorry about last night because both of them had wanted it to happen.

And they wanted it to happen again.

Jenson caught Sebastina easily as she threw herself into his arms, kissing him desperately. His hands ran all over her body, trying to memorise every curve as she attacked his lips.

“Jense…” She gasped as he kissed down her neck.

“You have no idea… No idea how much I wanted to do this…” Jenson sighed softly. Resentfully Sebastina pushed Jenson off her. The Brit frowned. “What?”

“Jense… You’ve got Jessica…”

“But I want you.”

“I can’t do this, Jenson. I will not let you cheat on her.”

“Seb…”

“Please. We can write last night off. We were both out of it.”

“You were. I refuse to forget last night Sebi.”

“Fine. But we can’t start this until you end it with her. That’s not how I work.” Sebastina had done it once before but it had become too much. She couldn’t go on knowing one day her relationship would break someone else’s heart. She knew the reason Fernando would always hate her…

“Ok. I promise. I understand.” Jenson nodded, kissing lightly at her neck. She couldn’t stop her body reacting to him, couldn’t help but push into his soft touch.

“Jense, please…”

“Fuck, Seb, you’re not making this easy…” Jenson sighed forcing himself off her. “Can you put some clothes on?”

“Sure…”

When Sebastina reappeared from the bathroom Jenson was sitting on the end of the bed, dressed but without a shirt.

“I should probably go… Thanks for the paracetamol.”

“You’re welcome.” Jenson nodded, letting his eyes admire, again, how the dress Sebastina had picked out for last night framed her body perfectly. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll leave Jessica. Tomorrow. I hate to see you go…”

“Tomorrow.” Sebastina nodded, letting a small smile pull at her lips. Jenson reciprocated it.

“We should grab coffee.” He nodded, picking up his wallet and pulling on a shirt. Sebastina smiled brightly at him as he held out his hand.

“Coffee sounds perfect.”

Their last coffee being just friends.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I need to get back to some Webbonso… :P 
> 
> #ForzaJules


End file.
